Ebb and flow

The ebb seems to ebb for so long on occasion, the empty feeling inside, the nothingness that creeps over oneself. I have observed it from outside myself on more than one occasion.

It is merely the mind betraying itself, pulling away bridges it made for itself earlier, leaving dangerous drops that need to be carefully negoiated. I fell briefly only the weekend gone, into a period of self loathing and fear. My weakness leaves me disgusted at my frailty. I attempted to cover up the advance of it by leaping into a drinking session, in order to numb myself to it.

This merely ended up providing me with a moment where I felt as though I had ostracised myself from my own friends through egocentric stupidity.

It is nice to write about it, having recognised it for what it was, I had failed at this in the distant past, and it caused me no end of trouble. I feel as though again I have bested the beast that rears up over me on occasion. I will continue to do this for the rest of my days, as my self belief remains exceptionally strong, even though at times I know that I have not ably demonstrated to anyone why it is Ibelieve in myself so much.

This is a question we should all ask ourselves, I think. What is it that makes us go on through life? What is it that we think we are going to achieve, that we think we can achieve in this reality?

There is always some reason to hold on for tomorrow isn't there, or else you wouldn't. I trust if you bother to read this then you have some interest in self preservation, as you are merely gathering information in order to glean from it that which you may find useful (you'sful).

Anyway, there is no reason to bang on to long on this is there.

It is the ebb and flow which makes this life so intensely wonderful on occasion, that is something to remember. For with no ebb, there would be no flow, no high and no low. Flow on friends, move through the universe, step through the door, into the self that waits for you somewhere else a lot of the time, the self that knows you, that is locked into the essence of this magical space and time.

I would advise that you take some time this week to sit for a moment and enjoy your own company in silence. It is a peace we forget about these hectic days.